The Wicker Tree

Despite the fact that I live in Austin now I have to admit that I still do a lot of shooting in Dallas. I guess you can say that it is like Gotham to my Batman, I will never truly leave it.

Now you wonder where all of this Texas pride that I have has come from?

The answer is simple I left Texas in 2008 and spent some time in Hollywood.

Now first off no offence to Hollywood I had a great time there and even considered staying which I probably if my adopted sister Jen didn’t threaten to go there and kidnap me and force me to come home but I did point out that I could live there and easily find work because it is the main industry town in the world. 

There would be one major problem with living there.

It is not Texas!

I realized it when I came home is that the first thing I wanted was a decent damn steak! Not to mention some good BBQ. (Please note that I said BBQ and not Barbeque because yes there is a difference and there is no substitution for genuine Texas BBQ).

It’s not just the food but the attitude is different you see it’s not something that I can explain but I have to point out that in my trips to both Hollywood and Vegas people will know where I am from.

Now I have to rant here about filming here. You see Texas has a breed of filmmaker all to their own and If  you don’t Believe me just check out the Texas Frightmare Weekend every May in the DFW area.

It isn’t just the filmmakers that make this film industry in this great State what it is. It is the locations that make it unique.

I have seen many flicks that are filmed in other places that try to pass themselves off as Texas but people like myself, Joe Bob Briggs, and a slew of others know that it isn’t here. And you ask why we know and here is some examples.

In the film Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 (don’t get me started about the franchise) You can see mountains in the background anyone who lives in Texas know that those mountains aren’t in Texas.

Also my Roommate had shown me an episode of Lexx that took place in Texas and they had 3 prong  Cactus in the background. Folks contrary to popular belief those aren’t in Texas.

Now you are probably asking about this rant.

I was checking out this flick the other day that I rented from I Love Video in Austin that got my attention a couple of weeks ago. That flick was The Wicker Tree.

Yes I know that The Wicker Man was remade in 2006 but I honestly refuse to acknowledge it and I am not the only one but I have to say that I am very happy with the recent revival of Hammer Studios with their recent flicks like Let Me In and The Resident. Not to mention the fact that Amicus has also recently made a comeback with their flick Stuck.

This recent revival has brought us some other flicks like The Wicker Tree.

I know what you are thinking. Is this flick a sequel to the 1973 Wicker Man film?

Well the answer is both no and yes.

You see kiddies The director Robin Hardy has announced that he is planning a trilogy of unrelated stories that follow the clash of different religions. The Wicker Man was the first chapter and now he has released his companion film more than 30 years later.

Now let me tell you about the Wicker Man because It does come into play here in this flick

The late Edward Woodward stars as a deeply religious Police Inspector who comes to a remote island searching for a missing girl. The inspector soon realizes that the people living on this island still preaches Pagan rituals and practices. Needless to say our Inspector is an avid man of god and is on a one-man crusade to find this lost child believing her to be the intended sacrifice to the gods to bring back their crops after they have failed.

Featuring genre Icons Christopher Lee and the late Ingrid Pitt as well as bombshell Brit Ekland, The Wicker Man began it’s own subgenre in Horror.

Now I must acknowledge the 500 lb. Elephant in the room.

Yes, The Wicker Man was remade in 2006 but to be perfectly honest I refuse to acknowledge that flick. As a matter of fact The only time that I will acknowledge it is the time that it was played at the Alamo Drafthouse for their Hecklevision event.

Now let us move on to The Wicker Tree.

You see the plot of The Wicker Tree is that a young couple that are reborn Christians go to Scotland from Texas on a “Mission Trip” to spread “The Word of God” to the “Heathens”.  

Well after they get there they are given the cold shoulder treatment from the people in the cities and then they are invited to speak to a small town with a nuclear plant that keeps the town employed. While in this town they are both seduced and tempted by the Pagan customs, But there is some sinister things afoot.

Those of you that have seen The Wicker Man have a good Idea where this plot is leading us and as for those of you that haven’t check it out before you see this flick.

Now I know what you are asking where did that Texas Pride Rant come from and what does that have to do with the Wicker Tree.

Well the answer is it has allot to do with it.

You see in the beginning of the flick The young couple is leaving Dallas before they go to Scotland and well They are really in Dallas! I can tell because it starts out in Downtown Dallas where the girl gets in a Limo and picks up her boyfriend in a town that I have to say may be Waxahachie. You can definitely tell the difference between the Texas countryside and the Scotland countryside.

That is a rare move from a flick like this because often a movie will film the countryside and put some cowboy hats on some extras and try to pass it off as Texas instead of making a full company move or risk hiring some of the crew in Texas but this flick did just that and I feel the need to commend them for this task.

Now as for the characters that are from Texas those of you that watch the flick will say that these two are really annoying and can’t wait for some one to slice and dice them. Well for those of you that are thinking that, Once again I have to point to The Wicker Man and you will see where they are going with this.

Now there will be some of you that may be offended by these two’s portrayal of Texans and I have to admit here that I have encountered people like this here. Trust me they are annoying . The only thing about that that I have a problem with is the cowboy hat that the boyfriend wears. That is not from Texas more like Wyoming or Montana.

Now as for the flick I have to say that it isn’t bad. The Wicker Tree can’t hold a candle to The Wicker Man. If you can get past that fact then you may be alright.

The placement of humor in the flick is a little too much and not really needed.

I think that some of the acting may be a little too much but I have to admit that I am unfamiliar with Scotland and their culture.

Now there is a really annoying bird that gives us a literal Birds eye view and makes me think that I am watching the crow in some scenes.

Other than that the flick was shot nice and the special effects are decent.

The Wicker Tree is definetly worth a rent.

Special Features include a Making of Documentry as well as deleated scenes

7 Dead Bodies

12 Breasts

10 Beasts

1 Dead Cat

Broken Bottle to the Groin

Live Embalming

Live Burning

Live Cannibalism

Deadly Sex

Cowboy Fu

Scottish Fu

Watch for Christopher Lee in a Cameo appearance as “The Old Gentleman”

3 Stars

Check it out

Piranha 3DD

Okay guys a couple of years ago I gave you a review of Piranha 3D.

Being that I am a huge fan of the original Roger Corman produced Joe Dante directed creature feature I was looking forward to the 2010 Alexandre Aja helmed reimagining and it delivered. Piranha 3D succeeded in scoring at the Box Office with its gratuitous nudity, Bikini Babes and even more gratuitous gore and a high cheese element.

  Well as is the golden rule in Hollywood when a Horror flick is made that makes high profitable returns especially when the executive producer and distributer has the last name Weinstein well a sequel inevitable.

Not that I have anything against the Weinstein Company or Dimension Films for that matter because I am a huge fan of them and their movies. I’m just saying that sometimes a flick is profitable and there is no keeper of the light and they will rush the Sequel out before it needs to be released or in some cases they are released because all that they want is the easy profits that will come from an early summer horror release…At least it is not PG-13.

Well Piranha 3DD is no exception to this rule.

Now the first thing that I want to point out about this flick is that it was originally set to be released in November of 2011 but the Studio felt that it needed a later release.

I also feel the need to point out that Piranha 3DD was released in limited theatres the same day that it is released On Demand as well as Downloadable.

So in other words don’t expect a long Theatrical release this flick is going straight to the profitable media.

Now let us go in to the flick.

This flick takes place one year after the massacre at Lake Victoria in the previous film. The lake has been poisoned and the Piranha are thought dead. That is until a new water park is having its grand opening and The Piranha have found underground rivers that go right into the reservoir to the Water Park and they can also survive in Chlorine.

Well you can all guess what happens.

I would definitely recommend checking this flick in a theater that serves beer as well as bringing a group of friends to watch it with however this flick is not for everyone.

They definitely turned up the gratuitous nudity in this flick but I am really not complaining about that.

Piranha 3DD is helmed by Feast director John Gulager and his tough it definitely noticed here.

One of the rules in Gulager's films is the simple rule of anyone can die anytime.

Gulager also has a certain type of humor that he brings to his films his flick is also definitely a spoof of sorts. It has some “Gross out Humor” moments that I am willing to forgive and some other moments that make you say WTF.

Other than that the flick is relatively short.

The pool Massacre is really short but really how long can that scene be. David Hasslehoff has a much bigger role than originally expected and does some humorous spoofs of himself that make you laugh despite yourself, and the Baywatch Parodies are just genius.

Fans of Feast will definitely like this flick, not to mention fans of Beer that want to have a frat party.

You will definitely enjoy the Cameos by Gary Busey and John Gulager’s father Genre great Clu Gulager

27 Dead Bodies
38 Breasts
16 Beasts
Piranha to the Vagina
Piranha to the Penis
Piranha to the Anus
Heads Roll
Hands Roll
Penis Roll
Gary Busey Fu
Piranha Fu
Silicon Fu

2 Stars
Check it out