Creature (2011)

Well this past Friday the gang and I decided to give the Alamo a break this weekend since I had been there almost all week and it is almost time for Fantastic Fest and then they decided to watch a flick that I would not be caught dead inside so I decided to go check out Creature.

I am surprised that this flick had received a theatrical wide release because it struck me as a flick that would be in the Direct to DVD shelves or in the vending machines or streaming on the net but no It was in the Theatres. As a matter of fact I was surprised that it wasn’t at the Alamo.

I am also surprised that this flick wasn’t a “SyFy Original Movie”.

Now the reason that I point this out is that I was one of three people sitting in the theatre, That is a sad state of affairs.

The flick is maybe too ahead of the October Halloween crowd but this will be the first year that there is not a Saw sequel in the theatres for quite some time however the flick did have the trailer for Paranormal Activity’s third installation coming out this October.

We need some good mainstream Horror that isn’t a remake or part of a tired franchise that is R Rated and I have to ask is anyone else out there tired of the PG era that we have in Horror, I mean if it isn’t produced by Spielberg then why not go for the UNRATED crowd this here flick was a good try.

The plot is something that we have all heard before a group of young people all head out from the city to the country to go camping and they stop by a gas station that is run by Sid Haig (boy does this sound familiar) and then they are told about a local legend (That sounds familiar again) and they decide to head out and look for the local monster. (I am almost expecting Bill Moseley and Sherri Moon Zombie to pop up somewhere but that isn’t going to happen).

Needless to say we all think that we are having Déjà vu and know what is going to happen next. Well we do. Our “Heroes” go out and get their drink on as well weed is involved and then decide to do some of the old premarital sex, which usually I would not complain but some of these couples are siblings if you know what I mean and I think you do.

However then there is the twist that I didn’t see coming and this slasher flick becomes a crossbreed between Hatchet and Deliverance but it still maintains its decency and does not go off in a Lake Dead kind of direction. That is all that I am going to give you for now as I want you guys to go catch this flick preferably in a place that has a liquor license since this is a six pack kind of flick.

Fans of creepy monsters from lakes will be very happy as there are some Black Lagoon moments as well as a reference to Spider Baby which was the Great Sid Haig’s first flick. The flick is full of unlikable characters and some likable but you find yourself rooting for the monster to kill everyone but this flick goes off in a way too creepy direction but like I have mentioned earlier I am happy that this flick is an R Rated Horror.

I definitely recommend this flick to the late night monster no brainer crowd.

9 Dead Bodies
8 Breasts
3 Beasts
4 Bad Accents
Hands Roll
Feet Roll
Heads Roll
Kudos to Sid Haig for showing us how important a good Villain is in a horror story
2 ½ Stars
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Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I love the Planet of the Apes. I admit it; as a matter of fact I have always admitted it. I like all of them. Even the 2001 Tim Burton fiasco that not too many people what to admit happened.

I recently attended an event at the Drafthouse that they called Day of the Apes. Now what that was a marathon on one Sunday morning that began with the first Planet of the Apes flick starring Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowell, followed by Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Then Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and ending with Battle for Planet of the Apes.

Now of those flicks the one that I want to talk about is Conquest. Many consider it the best in the series, second only to the original. I have to admit that I like this flick more than the others in the series.

Conquest is the tale of the real origin of the Planet. The story is that a plague has killed off all of the dogs and cats on Earth and mankind’s pets have been replaced by apes. Eventually Apes are made into slaves and are forced to do meaningless tasks and are beaten and abused for disobeying. That is until Caesar comes along and after hearing of the death of his friend and caretaker (Ricardo Montalban) arranges a revolution that results in the Apes taking over the world with the line
“Tonight we have seen the birth of the Planet of the Apes.”

When that line was said at the screening the whole theatre erupted into applause.

This year has seen the release of the Remake/Reboot of that flick.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

Now this flick is not a prequel to the 2001 Ape flick this is a reboot of the Ape series.

The story follows James Franco as a scientist trying to find the cure for Alzheimer’s that his father is suffering. He is experimenting on a drug/virus on Chimpanzees that result in one chimp going crazy. (Anyone else reminded of Deep Blue Sea) It is then revealed that this chimpanzee had a baby and was pregnant while the tests were conducted. That baby becomes Caesar an super smart simian that sadly is placed in a zoo like shelter where he is mistreated by the caretakers and begins to start a revolution. That is all I want to say about the plot because there are some cool twists that I don’t want to give away right now.

Now I have to say there is some damn good CGI at play here in this flick. Sometimes I thought that I was watching the 2005 King Kong flick especially when I saw Andy Serkis in the role of Caesar.

The story also kept me interested in the fact that I did not feel that I have seen all of this before, in the fact that the new material is fresh and relevant and a brand new story to an old tale.

The acting is great especially from James Franco and John Lithgow. I was also enjoying the rest of the cast comprising mostly of lesser known but familiar faces from Television and other Sci-Fi flicks.

The use of references to the previous Ape flicks I also loved.

7 Dead Humans
3 Dead Apes
0 Breasts
32 Beasts
1 Explosion
1 Crashed Mustang
Human Fu
Ape Fu
Extra points for making me think that these Apes are smarter than the people in Washington right now.

4 Stars

Check it out.

Troll Hunter

Well I am having a great time here in my new home in Austin.
I really love it especially the fact that I live so near the Alamo Drafthouse.

Now let me talk a little about this here Drafthouse.

They recently received a lot of headlines recently because some girl was inside of the place and was texting in the theatre and was kicked out. Well our infamous texter called and left an angry voicemail saying that she was allowed to text in a THE-A-TER because this was the MAGNITED STATES OF AMERICA…Which I am still trying to figure out there that is.

Anyway Kiddies I can tell all of you something about the Alamo Drafthouse. You see there not only is no commercials for Sprite or lame Coca Cola short films.

What you get instead is a pre movie reel that is relevant about movie that you are about to see.

For example the first flick that I checked out there was Scream 4 and what they showed was a trailer reel of the previous Scream flicks as well as other Scream Rip offs and a few more obscure flicks that many of you may not recognize.

Then when it is Showtime you are shown a funny video making it clear that cellphones, Talking, and Texting is not allowed which makes it clear on no uncertain terms that you will be thrown out and not get a refund.

Another thing that she said is that it was too dark in the theatre and she was using her phone as a flashlight to find her seat. I’ll tell you something a real good friend of mine works at the Alamo and his job is to run food and drinks to the tables and it is not that dark so.

This chick has to be legally blind and if that is the case then what in the blue Hell is she doing going to the movies anyway.

Needless to say what we here Kiddies is a spoiled brat who can’t handle being punished for her actions. I tip my hat to the Drafthouse for using this to their advantage.

Now on to the flick.

Last week Eric and I decided to head over to the Drafthouse and check out a screening of Troll Hunter.

The plot is about a group of filmmakers that are following what they think is a hunter that is illegally poaching bears only to find out that he is in fact following trolls and that he works for the government keeping the local troll population under control while finding a way to humanly dispose of them.

This is one of the more interesting of the found footage genre in the fact that you actually get to see the monster in all of it’s glory and not in fleeting glimpses like many other flicks such as Cloverfield and Blair Witch.

Generally this a pretty good flick it makes you laugh and It keeps the suspence up when it matters.

I was impressed mostly by the special effects in the fact that the trolls looked real though clearly CGI but good CGI there are some model scenes but they are cut well into the movie.

Now this flick is Norwegian and it does have subtitles but you don’t have to be fast to read the dialogue and watch the movie and you won’t even notice after a while like most international flicks.

1 Dead Body
0 Breasts
8 Trolls
Exploding Trolls
Stone Trolls
Man in Armor vs Troll Scene
Truck vs Troll Scene
1 Car Chase
Human Fu
Christian Fu
Troll Fu

3 Stars

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Sweet Karma

You know I think that too many people have it in for Direct to DVD there is nothing wrong with it Granted you get a few bad flicks but I hate to break it to you but you get those in the Theatre as well.

There has always been that belief in the fact that DtD means bad but there are a lot of good ones

One of those is Sweet Karma.

Now this is a good flick made on a low budget sadly many of you judgmental people will not agree without even seeing the flick and many others are just Haters to those of you I say get a life.

Anyway this flick stars Playboy Playmate Miss November 2010 Shera Bechard as Karma a mute girl who’s sister had come to Canada in a human trafficking scheme and had been killed and she is seeking revenge by setting herself up as another trafficked girl and…Well I think that you can figure out the rest However that being said there is a Twist that you will not see coming.

All in all good flick shot on a low budget with ok acting and pretty good effects and the story kept me interested despite the fact that I felt like I had seen it before in another flick.

10 Dead Bodies

8 Breasts

1 Cat Fight

1 shot off Penis (which I am seeing a lot of in movies nowadays)

Best Death is the scene where she tricks a guy into snorting detergent

3 Stars Check it out

Green Lantern

“In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight Let those who worship evil's might, Beware my power... Green Lantern's light!”

Those are words that I have waited 25 years to hear on the big screen. It is no secret that I am a huge fan of Batman and you can’t be a fan of the Caped Crusader without being a fan of the Justice League, one of the staples of the League is the Green Lantern. Be it Alan Scott, Hal Jordan, Guy Gardner, John Stewart, or Kyle Rayner The Green Lantern Corps have always been one of the more popular titles in the DC Universe.

That being said I am surprised that we are just now seeing the Green Lantern on the big screen. There has been many incarnations of him on the small screen but rarely in a non-support role as a member of the League.

Finally Hal Jordan has come to the big screen and it was well worth the wait.
Now for those of you that aren’t comic fans here is the basic story. Hal Jordan is a test pilot that is chosen by a dying member of the corps and he then gives him his power ring and Lantern that turns him into a superhero that has the ability of flight as well as the ring can make anything that he wants to aid him in his duties. He then joins the Green Lantern Corps which is basically an intergalactic police force.

In the movie Hal has to take on the Evil Paralax the Destroyer of worlds Now I have some Issue with him in the fact that he did remind me much of the antagonist in Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer and the planet Appacloypse that we saw in the series Finale of Smallville you want to ask the difference here, Well The Damn thing Talks. It ,also as well as the various Aliens that make up the corps speak perfect English.

The Special Effects are awesome the outer space sequences are excellent and I do recommend if 3D is an option go for it and pay the extra amount but it is not needed to enjoy the flick IMAX is also recommended.

Fans of the Comics will love this flick as for the mainstream audiences you will enjoy it but be warned that it is your basic superhero origin story but it is a fresh perspective to the common mythology.

87 Dead Humans
8 Dead Aliens
0 Breasts
5 Beasts
3 Explosions
Lantern Fu
Human Fu

4 Stars Check it out

The Woman

Well Kiddies another Frightmare has gone by. I have to tell you that that is the best Horror Convention in the world. I get to see and meet a lot of the stars that I grew up watching and getting a new perspective on some flicks that I have seen time and again. For those of you that missed the shows please check out my DVD that will be on sale soon.

One flick that I got to check out was The Woman.

I have been following this flick for multiple reasons. First off I know the director and I like to see that someone I know is successful I know better than most how hard it is to be successful in this business and anyone that makes it like this has my full support.

Another reason that I have been following this flick is the controversy that it received at this year’s Sundance Festival. What happened was that the flick was so intense that people were walking out of the theater and one woman was in such a hurry that she tripped and fell knocking herself out. Then the real fun started when after the screening a man started yelling at McKee as he was getting ready for a post screen QnA. The man was then escorted out of the theater spouting his opinion all along with a camera following him that became a viral sensation online.

The Thursday night before the Frightmare I attended a screening with McKee and the cast and crew in attendance.

The Screening starts off with a short by McKee starring himself, Angela Bettis, and Carlee Baker titled Blue Like You, That is the tale of a sheltered woman having dinner with McKee while he teaches her how to sit Drink and Eat.


Followed by a cartoon about a boy and his donkey that was probably more disturbing than the main feature.

The cartoons and the short felt like the old days when you got a cartoon a news Reel and a short film before the film.

Now on to the feature.

The Woman is the tale of a southern backwoods lawyer that is the dominant member of his household and one day when he is out hunting he encounters the sole survivor of the offspring (which the Woman is a sequel to) and he decides to civilize her. After drugging her with a dart he brings her home and subjects her to various types of abuse and torment including pressure hosing her down, shooting a gun next to her ear and eventually raping her. Eventually his son joins in of the actions of his father in a more sadistic way and the whole family unravels while the daughter’s teacher becomes suspicious of the events taking place leading us to a bloody finale and some twists that you will see coming but still shock you.

One of the Gripes that this man ha in Sundance is that the film was degrading to women. I found that the flick was the opposite and made me wonder who was more Savage, The Woman or the men of the flick.

Now for those of you that go to this flick thinking how bad can it be then I recommend The Girl Next Door which is also based on the novel by Jack Ketchum… As a matter of fact I recommend anything by Jack Ketchum as his stuff is pretty intense and not for the weak of heart. Well this flick is based on his writing if that is any indication of what this movie has as far as content.

That being said this flick isn't for everyone. Some of the scenes are pretty intense and you want to run up onto the screen and knock out some of the characters but that is what Lucky did with this flick was to tap into that flight of fight part of our brains that see these things and don’t know how to process.

The most frightening part of the flick is that these things not only can really happen but that they most likely have happened before and will again.

4 Dead Bodies
2 Breasts
3 Beasts
Hosing
Finger eating
Finger licking
Something with pliers that I don’t know what it was
Human animals
Bashings
Stabbings

4 Stars
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Scream 4

I know that it seems like I am a big fan of everything that comes out and all franchises that come out. I feel the need to point out that some of the franchises that come out I am a harsh critic of and some of the others that I am a Die Hard fan of have been dormant for a decade or more. Franchises like Highlander, Rocky, Rambo, Indiana Jones, and Scream are those Franchises and they are all either have received a Reboot or have a Sequel popping up years after the supposed final entry.

Scream 4 has just been released, now I feel the need to state that this flick was unnessicary as I liked where Scream 3 left off. That being said I am happy that this is a sequel and not a Remake.

Taking place a decade after the events of Scream 3 the flick takes us back to Woodsboro. Sidney Prescott has written a book on her experiences in the previous flicks and is starting a book tour in the town. Dewey Riley is now the town Sheriff and is married to Gail Weathers who has fallen into a rut and she is missing her glory days. Well a new series of murders begins again in the form of the Mythical Ghostface Killer that has not appeared in a decade. This series of murders surrounds Sidney’s cousin that none of us knew about before this flick.

You need to bear in mind that a lot of things have changed in the past 10 years in not just the Horror genre but in technology. In this flick Ghostface not only utilizes cell phones in his arsenal but Facebook and webcams as well. It also makes references to the state of the genre, it bashes the torture porn subgenre craze in the opening lines and what the killer is planning on doing his own reboot to the scream/stab series. Neve Campbell has the best line in this area “The Big Rule of Remakes, Don’t Mess with the Original”.

The flick is much more violent and gory than its previous flicks but like I said earlier a lot has changed in the past few years. Some of the stabs are very intense such as a blade going through the hand and even a gutting that Craven wanted to put in years ago.

There was a lot of things missing from this flick that I liked in the previous flicks that I felt were staples of the series. First off Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds’ Red Right Hand which was used as an unofficial theme was not used. Not to mention that the big shock kill didn’t happen in the opening, Now there was some kills in the opening but I am not going to count those kills because they take place in the Stab sequels and not in the flick.
It should be noted that this is the first of the series that does not have Liev Schreiber and Jamie Kennedy making appearances in the flick in some capacity. I honestly would have liked to have seen some of the other residents of Woodsboro that we have seen in the previous flicks making appearances in this flick, I was wondering where Sidney’s Father was in this flick as well as Randy’s sister from part 3.

Now as for the characters, I am always happy to see Dewy, Sid, and Gale. I felt that Dewy was pushed to the back as he constantly arrives with the police after the kills which were done in the previous flicks to make him look like a suspect but all of the viewer’s already know that he is not the killer. As far as the new characters some of them are likable like the movie geeks were funny. Now as for Hayden Panettiere I felt like she was a lame attempt at redoing Rose McGowan’s character from the first flick but I felt that she was pretty annoying. Emma Roberts is pretty good in her role but she is no Neve Campbell. Now I have to admit that I am not caught up on my “Teenage Stars” that is a sign of being out of my demographic.

Generally I liked the film as it kept me entertained for the time that I watched the movie and there were some twists and kills that I didn’t see coming and for that the flick receives extra Kudos

15 Dead Bodies
0 Breasts
3 Beasts
25 Cell Phones
6 Web Cams
17 Stabs
1 Disemboweling
2 Shootings
1 Shot to the Nuts
32 Movie References
Stab Fu
Scream Fu
Scary Movie Fu
3 Stars

Check It out