The Wicker Tree

Despite the fact that I live in Austin now I have to admit that I still do a lot of shooting in Dallas. I guess you can say that it is like Gotham to my Batman, I will never truly leave it.

Now you wonder where all of this Texas pride that I have has come from?

The answer is simple I left Texas in 2008 and spent some time in Hollywood.

Now first off no offence to Hollywood I had a great time there and even considered staying which I probably if my adopted sister Jen didn’t threaten to go there and kidnap me and force me to come home but I did point out that I could live there and easily find work because it is the main industry town in the world. 

There would be one major problem with living there.

It is not Texas!

I realized it when I came home is that the first thing I wanted was a decent damn steak! Not to mention some good BBQ. (Please note that I said BBQ and not Barbeque because yes there is a difference and there is no substitution for genuine Texas BBQ).

It’s not just the food but the attitude is different you see it’s not something that I can explain but I have to point out that in my trips to both Hollywood and Vegas people will know where I am from.

Now I have to rant here about filming here. You see Texas has a breed of filmmaker all to their own and If  you don’t Believe me just check out the Texas Frightmare Weekend every May in the DFW area.

It isn’t just the filmmakers that make this film industry in this great State what it is. It is the locations that make it unique.

I have seen many flicks that are filmed in other places that try to pass themselves off as Texas but people like myself, Joe Bob Briggs, and a slew of others know that it isn’t here. And you ask why we know and here is some examples.

In the film Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 (don’t get me started about the franchise) You can see mountains in the background anyone who lives in Texas know that those mountains aren’t in Texas.

Also my Roommate had shown me an episode of Lexx that took place in Texas and they had 3 prong  Cactus in the background. Folks contrary to popular belief those aren’t in Texas.

Now you are probably asking about this rant.

I was checking out this flick the other day that I rented from I Love Video in Austin that got my attention a couple of weeks ago. That flick was The Wicker Tree.

Yes I know that The Wicker Man was remade in 2006 but I honestly refuse to acknowledge it and I am not the only one but I have to say that I am very happy with the recent revival of Hammer Studios with their recent flicks like Let Me In and The Resident. Not to mention the fact that Amicus has also recently made a comeback with their flick Stuck.

This recent revival has brought us some other flicks like The Wicker Tree.

I know what you are thinking. Is this flick a sequel to the 1973 Wicker Man film?

Well the answer is both no and yes.

You see kiddies The director Robin Hardy has announced that he is planning a trilogy of unrelated stories that follow the clash of different religions. The Wicker Man was the first chapter and now he has released his companion film more than 30 years later.

Now let me tell you about the Wicker Man because It does come into play here in this flick

The late Edward Woodward stars as a deeply religious Police Inspector who comes to a remote island searching for a missing girl. The inspector soon realizes that the people living on this island still preaches Pagan rituals and practices. Needless to say our Inspector is an avid man of god and is on a one-man crusade to find this lost child believing her to be the intended sacrifice to the gods to bring back their crops after they have failed.

Featuring genre Icons Christopher Lee and the late Ingrid Pitt as well as bombshell Brit Ekland, The Wicker Man began it’s own subgenre in Horror.

Now I must acknowledge the 500 lb. Elephant in the room.

Yes, The Wicker Man was remade in 2006 but to be perfectly honest I refuse to acknowledge that flick. As a matter of fact The only time that I will acknowledge it is the time that it was played at the Alamo Drafthouse for their Hecklevision event.

Now let us move on to The Wicker Tree.

You see the plot of The Wicker Tree is that a young couple that are reborn Christians go to Scotland from Texas on a “Mission Trip” to spread “The Word of God” to the “Heathens”.  

Well after they get there they are given the cold shoulder treatment from the people in the cities and then they are invited to speak to a small town with a nuclear plant that keeps the town employed. While in this town they are both seduced and tempted by the Pagan customs, But there is some sinister things afoot.

Those of you that have seen The Wicker Man have a good Idea where this plot is leading us and as for those of you that haven’t check it out before you see this flick.

Now I know what you are asking where did that Texas Pride Rant come from and what does that have to do with the Wicker Tree.

Well the answer is it has allot to do with it.

You see in the beginning of the flick The young couple is leaving Dallas before they go to Scotland and well They are really in Dallas! I can tell because it starts out in Downtown Dallas where the girl gets in a Limo and picks up her boyfriend in a town that I have to say may be Waxahachie. You can definitely tell the difference between the Texas countryside and the Scotland countryside.

That is a rare move from a flick like this because often a movie will film the countryside and put some cowboy hats on some extras and try to pass it off as Texas instead of making a full company move or risk hiring some of the crew in Texas but this flick did just that and I feel the need to commend them for this task.

Now as for the characters that are from Texas those of you that watch the flick will say that these two are really annoying and can’t wait for some one to slice and dice them. Well for those of you that are thinking that, Once again I have to point to The Wicker Man and you will see where they are going with this.

Now there will be some of you that may be offended by these two’s portrayal of Texans and I have to admit here that I have encountered people like this here. Trust me they are annoying . The only thing about that that I have a problem with is the cowboy hat that the boyfriend wears. That is not from Texas more like Wyoming or Montana.

Now as for the flick I have to say that it isn’t bad. The Wicker Tree can’t hold a candle to The Wicker Man. If you can get past that fact then you may be alright.

The placement of humor in the flick is a little too much and not really needed.

I think that some of the acting may be a little too much but I have to admit that I am unfamiliar with Scotland and their culture.

Now there is a really annoying bird that gives us a literal Birds eye view and makes me think that I am watching the crow in some scenes.

Other than that the flick was shot nice and the special effects are decent.

The Wicker Tree is definetly worth a rent.

Special Features include a Making of Documentry as well as deleated scenes

7 Dead Bodies

12 Breasts

10 Beasts

1 Dead Cat

Broken Bottle to the Groin

Live Embalming

Live Burning

Live Cannibalism

Deadly Sex

Cowboy Fu

Scottish Fu

Watch for Christopher Lee in a Cameo appearance as “The Old Gentleman”

3 Stars

Check it out

Piranha 3DD

Okay guys a couple of years ago I gave you a review of Piranha 3D.

Being that I am a huge fan of the original Roger Corman produced Joe Dante directed creature feature I was looking forward to the 2010 Alexandre Aja helmed reimagining and it delivered. Piranha 3D succeeded in scoring at the Box Office with its gratuitous nudity, Bikini Babes and even more gratuitous gore and a high cheese element.

  Well as is the golden rule in Hollywood when a Horror flick is made that makes high profitable returns especially when the executive producer and distributer has the last name Weinstein well a sequel inevitable.

Not that I have anything against the Weinstein Company or Dimension Films for that matter because I am a huge fan of them and their movies. I’m just saying that sometimes a flick is profitable and there is no keeper of the light and they will rush the Sequel out before it needs to be released or in some cases they are released because all that they want is the easy profits that will come from an early summer horror release…At least it is not PG-13.

Well Piranha 3DD is no exception to this rule.

Now the first thing that I want to point out about this flick is that it was originally set to be released in November of 2011 but the Studio felt that it needed a later release.

I also feel the need to point out that Piranha 3DD was released in limited theatres the same day that it is released On Demand as well as Downloadable.

So in other words don’t expect a long Theatrical release this flick is going straight to the profitable media.

Now let us go in to the flick.

This flick takes place one year after the massacre at Lake Victoria in the previous film. The lake has been poisoned and the Piranha are thought dead. That is until a new water park is having its grand opening and The Piranha have found underground rivers that go right into the reservoir to the Water Park and they can also survive in Chlorine.

Well you can all guess what happens.

I would definitely recommend checking this flick in a theater that serves beer as well as bringing a group of friends to watch it with however this flick is not for everyone.

They definitely turned up the gratuitous nudity in this flick but I am really not complaining about that.

Piranha 3DD is helmed by Feast director John Gulager and his tough it definitely noticed here.

One of the rules in Gulager's films is the simple rule of anyone can die anytime.

Gulager also has a certain type of humor that he brings to his films his flick is also definitely a spoof of sorts. It has some “Gross out Humor” moments that I am willing to forgive and some other moments that make you say WTF.

Other than that the flick is relatively short.

The pool Massacre is really short but really how long can that scene be. David Hasslehoff has a much bigger role than originally expected and does some humorous spoofs of himself that make you laugh despite yourself, and the Baywatch Parodies are just genius.

Fans of Feast will definitely like this flick, not to mention fans of Beer that want to have a frat party.

You will definitely enjoy the Cameos by Gary Busey and John Gulager’s father Genre great Clu Gulager

27 Dead Bodies
38 Breasts
16 Beasts
Piranha to the Vagina
Piranha to the Penis
Piranha to the Anus
Heads Roll
Hands Roll
Penis Roll
Gary Busey Fu
Piranha Fu
Silicon Fu

2 Stars
Check it out

Inkubus

You know what I really like about Frightmare is the guests that you meet at the event.

There are some that you meet and you are like that person is really cool. The really cool thing about that is the fact that after you meet them you feel that they are a friend and sometimes they are.

My favorite memory of last year’s Frightmare was after the event was over Anjanette, my crew and I hung out in the bar and we hung out with none other than Robert Englund.

Now this man is super cool.

We spent hours hanging out in that bar drinking with Robert Englund while he told us tales of movies that scared him in his youth that I was downloading on Netflix that night.

I would not give up that memory for anything in the world.

Needless to say I was at the Redbox this past week looking for Oscar nominated flicks before the big awards show on Sunday and I saw his newest flick Inkubus.
This flick is Assault on Precinct 13 meets Hellraiser.

Using creepy editing Inkubus tells the story of a Police Precinct that is being closed as the staff prepares to move to another building when they have to interrogate a suspect that was found in a room with a headless corpse and while he tells the story of how a man that he didn’t know who he was severed the girls head and right after he tells the story and the police naturally don’t believe him.
That is until Robert Englund walks in the room with the girl’s severed head and allows himself to be taken into custody and uses his phone call to contact an old nemesis (played by another Frightmare alumni William Forsythe) whose wife he had killed years earlier and kidnapped his son.

Now what none of them realize is that Englund is a demon named Inkubus that is taking credit for all of the worlds unsolved crimes in the past 100 years and he is also getting into the heads of all of the police staff and either making them kill each other or killing them himself.

I loved the editing of the movie as well as the story. Beginning with a demonic childbirth the story is told by a survivor in a mental institution in a series of flashbacks that keep you entertained from beginning to end.

The story despite lacking in originality is a story that is not old but keeps you interested.

The FX is a good blend of CGI and Makeup Effects and they are gory.

9 Dead Bodies
0 Breasts but one hot girl in her underwear
1 Beast
Spine Ripping
Disemboweling
Cutting in half
Heart Nuking
Heads Roll
Arms Roll
Legs Roll
Cop Fu
Demon Fu

3 Stars
Check it out

Hostel Part 3

You know I was going to rant about what has happened to the plain old bachelor party but I have found that I can’t really rant without giving away who I was talking about so in the fact that I don’t offend all of my friends who are married that their wives are still letting them speak to me, I feel that I have more to say about the flick.

Now give me an old fashioned Bachelor party in Vegas…As a matter of fact just give me any reason to go to Vegas. I admit that I go to Vegas as often as I can because it is a place that I can relax.

As big of a fan of Vegas I am I am aware of what Vegas really are. It is a big show.
It is a town that makes it’s living on the tourist trade and it gets them there by convincing them that they can do anything that they want while they are there and they will be forgiven for what they have done as soon as they leave.

Which that fact alone is why Las Vegas is the perfect setting for Hostel part III.
Now I have some things to say about Hostel.

When the first flick came out I was late to the party.

I remember a friend seeing the movie first and he told me that the eyeball scene was the freakiest thing that he had ever seen in a movie.

The truth is when I finally checked out the flick I wasn’t too freaked out but the truth is that I’ve seen some pretty intense things on the screen. That is my job folks.

The real freaky thing about Hostel is that these places actually exist. I think that people didn’t know about them until Eli Roth made the flick but I already knew about them.

The truth is that life is cheap in some places.

Now for those of you that have been living under a rock for the past couple of years you will know that Hostel is the story about a group of young college guys that are backpacking across Europe and while they are staying in Hostels in Amsterdam they learn of a place that loves Americans and the women are loose and the drinks flow freely.

Well our guys go to this place but then find out that they have been set up by a Hunting club that rich people pay them a ton of money to kill people.

I actually liked Hostel part II more than the first flick. Hostel II follows more the Elite Hunting Club than it does the victims.

Well that brings to Hostel part III.

Hostel III is different than its predecessors.

Apparently the Elite Club has branched out of Europe and they are now in the states and are luring their victims from Europe to Vegas.

The story follows Scott who is going to Vegas with his friend Carter and meeting their other duo of friends to Vegas for a Bachelor party and to a Casino that is really a giant strip club (I wish that I knew where this Casino was) after Carter throws Scott a huge bash in their warehouse The guys along with the Escorts that they have hired have found themselves in the crosshairs of the Hunting club.

This flick has an interesting twist. Not only are people paying money for the pleasure of killing people, there are people watching like they are attending a Las Vegas show. Taking it even further is the fact that are also betting on the kills while placing their bets on touch screens while being served by waitresses that are wearing the tiniest outfits that you have ever seen.

Okay I like that part actually.

Well needless to say this flick is not as bloody as the previous couple of flicks but it is also missing other parts of the series.

Since the film now takes place in the States the Isolated feeling and the not knowing who to trust is not there.

There are definitely some twists in the flick that will keep you interested in the story.

I also missed the Bubblegum Gang in this flick.

I should mention that Eli Roth was not involved in this flick. He was credited with a Based on Characters created by credit but other than that he was not involved. This flick was directed by series producer Scott Spiegel.

Fans of the Torture Porn genre I definitely recommend this flick to you. I also recommend this flick to Vegas fans as it features great use of Vegas location shots but the flick was filmed in Michigan but it had some great green screen use that makes it look like they are in Vegas.

This is definitely an entertaining flick.

11 Dead Bodies
6 Breasts plus A lot of hot waitresses showing Breasts but not nipples
1 Ass
5 Villains
1 Villainess
1 Explosion
4 Twists
1 Face “Mask”
Arrow to the groin
Choking on Bugs
Axe to the chest
Cattle prod to the mouth
Interesting use of Tire Spikes
Arms Roll
Shotgun Fu
Weed Whacker Fu

2 ½ Stars
Check it out

Hellraiser:Revelations

I know that I am going to take a beating for this review but here goes nothing.

I am a Hellraiser fan. That is no secret. One of my favorite possessions is an Anchor Bay tin box DVD of the original film that I got signed by Doug Bradley and Ashley Laurence at the Texas Frightmare Weekend.

Which by the way is happening again this year on May 4, 5, 6 2012 at the Hyatt in DFW airport and DVDs are available at www.texasfrightmarevideo.com

The story goes like this. There is a box called the Lamont Configuration that is a fancy puzzle box that when solved it opens up the gateway to another dimension and brings out the Cenobites, led by “Pinhead” who proceed to perform some demented S&M on their victims. In doing so they also tap into their victims inner self and find the darkness and sins inside of them.

Hellraiser was based on the novella the Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker, who also directed the film.

The film inspired 7 sequels as well as a line of toys and comics.

The interesting history of the films is that the franchise at first follows the survivor Kirsty Cotton as she goes into hell to rescue her father from the depths of hell. However the next couple of chapters follow Pinhead as he regains his soul and we are shown the origins of the box.

Then strangely the Hellraiser sequels went direct to video/DVD and they began following the stories of the ones that opened the box.

The now Iconic Pinhead is reduced mostly to glorified cameos but always he is portrayed by the incomparable Doug Bradley.

That is until now.

Now at first please let me explain.

Beginning with the flick Hellraiser: Bloodline the franchise rights belonged to Dimension Films.

Headed by the Hollywood Gurus known as the Weinsteins Dimension films is a division of Miramax and is one of the better distributers and makers of good Horror next to Lionsgate. Their titles include Genre Greats like the Halloween series as well as the Scream movies and the From Dusk Till Dawn trilogy.

Well currently the big trend in the movie industry is rebooting well established (and profitable) franchises that have made too many entries or have gone into a direction that has made the product less profitable for the studios.

Well a remake of Hellraiser is inevitable but they can’t get the project greenlit just yet.

However Dimension films was in danger of losing the rights to the film and they had to get a movie made fast. Well I was assured a few years ago by a fairly prominent movie star that the Weinsteins are shrewd in maximizing their profit margins and they decided to shoot a low budget short film in a super fast turn around and release it as a Hellraiser sequel.

Well needless to say Doug Bradley opted out of this outing and decided not to reprise his role as the lead Cenobite.

Now on to the flick.

The flick opens with Nico Bradley and his friend Steven Craven (I wonder who they are named after)filming themselves on a road trip to Mexico where Nico hopes to get Steven laid for the first time in a weekend of debauchery. After their car is stolen they are seen with the infamous puzzle box and naturally Pinhead appears.

It is then revealed that the video is being watched by Steven’s mother one year after the boys have disappeared while the parents and Steven’s sister/ Nico’s girlfriend Emma meet to have dinner to give themselves comfort during the trying time.

Emma eventually discovers the box after seeing other parts of the video revealing what really happened on the trip to mexico she opens it and then Steven appears at the front Door claiming to be pursued by the Cenobites.

In the process of the next hour we are shown the darkest secrets of our cast of characters while revealing what really happened in Mexico. All the while Pinhead and a new band of Cenobites come to the house with an agenda all of their own.
I have to admit that I liked the flick. It was better than some of the previous outings like Inferno and Deader.

I also have to be honest and admit that I went into the flick with my expectations with an all-time low.

Doug Bradley should have been in the flick that way it would feel like a Hellraiser than a glorified fan film.

The story did keep me interested and there were some parts that many of the mainstream audiences as taboo.

I think that the flick was not planned for a release but Dimension Films saw that there was some profit in it.

All in all the flick is what it was, It was an entertaining flick but we are all aware it was franchise milking that would have been better as a special Feature for the Remake of the original’s Blu-Ray.

Good flick but it isn’t the same

9 Dead Bodies
4 Breasts
5 Cenobites
Face Ripping
Throat tearing
Chain Hooking
Baby Killing
Hooker Killing
The Hellraiser Score is nowhere to be found

1 ½ Stars
Fans of the franchise Check it out

Batman: Year One

Okay I admit that I am not just a Movie Geek but a Comic Book Geek as well…Okay I am also a Die Hard Gamer as well… okay I am an all-around geek, but I don’t consider that to be a problem because as they say on G4 “It’s a Nerd’s World”.

It is also no secret that I am a huge Batman geek. I admit that I am the man that spent all of my time a couple of weeks ago playing Arkham City which is awesome by the way.

Well one DVD/Blu-Ray that recently came out is Batman: Year One.

I know what you are thinking. Isn’t that Batman Begins? Well, not really.

You see the things about these flicks is simply Warner Premiere releases a line of Direct to DVD flicks in the DC Universe. They are primarily animated movies based on popular comic storylines. Some are flat out taken from the pages and placed on the screen while others are loosely based on the original work.

Now what I like about these are that they not only include the flick but they also are loaded with special features that are a present for many and all DC Comics fans.
These features include special documentaries on not just the story and the making of the flick but in-depth documentaries on the original work detailing the process from inception to the market reaction and the legacy of the work.

Some releases also include biographies on writers and Artists and profiles of the villains as well as the behind the scenes origins of certain characters such as Robin, Supergirl or the Darkseid.

Other features include Animated Shorts that follow smaller characters in the DC Universe. Not to mention selected episodes of Batman: The Animated Series, and Justice League.

These Features alone are worth the purchase of the Disc.
Batman: Year One is no Exception.

The main movie features outstanding animation telling the story of both Bruce Wayne and Jim Gordon as they arrive in Gotham City for different reasons.

Wayne is returning to Gotham after traveling the world for thirteen years learning the skills to make him a crime fighter, and coming to Gotham to begin his mission.
Gordon is coming to Gotham to accept a job as a Police Lieutenant for the corrupt GCPD.

The story follows the characters as they narrate their story “Dexter Style” as is in the original Comic.

Other Characters featured in the story are Selena Kyle following her origin to become Catwoman as well as her young protégé Holly.

The flick will keep you entertained if you can forget the fact that you saw the whole story before in Batman Begins.

Now let us get on to the Special Features.

The documentary Heart of vengeance tells the story of how the writers and artists of DC Comics’ journey of taking Batman from his campy 1960’s image to his Dark Roots and the origins of the Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller and his return for Batman: Year One and the direction that the franchise to the Dark Knight Rises.

Other Features include a round table discussion with the heads of Batman at DC discussing the directions of the character and where he is going in the future.
What I mainly want to talk about here is the Catwoman short film that first off is HOT in some parts. Catwoman voiced by Eliza Dushku pursues a criminal across Gotham to uncover the truth behind his smuggling ring.

The short is awesome.

There is very much a Catwoman theme to this release. Could Dark Knight Rises have something to do with it?

Anyway this release is definitely a Buy for all Batman fans.

5 Dead Bodies
0 Breasts (close in the Catwoman short)
3 Beasts
4 Car Chases
3 explosions

3 Stars

Comic Fans Check it out!